Guest Blog: Raising a Premature Baby

Brecca is a mother of two children.  Her most recent child was a premature baby boy.  Below she discusses some of the questions she faced after having her premature baby.

The below is just opinions; please take it as such. It is a list of questions I had upon bringing my son home from the hospital, the answers I received and my own personal experiences. If you have questions about your own baby please ask nurses and doctors, use baby books and internet searches as references and then do what feels right for you and your baby. I am not a medical doctor nor am I a child care expert. I am a stay at home mother of a term baby and a premature baby.

So what happens when your premature bundle of joy has passed all their tests (maintains their body temperature, no longer randomly stops breathing, no longer randomly has stops of their heart, is able to eat by mouth, possibly meets a weight requirement and the car seat test) and is now ready to come home? When the news that my son was ready to come home came, I was overjoyed, however I was also scared. I already had a daughter so I didn’t have the new mom jitters, I knew what to expect with a newborn, but a preemie is a whole different story. Besides their small size, which can be intimidating, they come with a lot of different concerns and possible problems and I had so many questions.

Nurses in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) are great resources and have probably heard every question before so do not be scared to ask them as many questions as you can think of. I think I asked all 17 of the nurses at least three questions every day my son was in the NICU. In the beginning most of my questions were about his health, progression and when he could come home, but towards the last week when he started progressing by leaps and bounds my questions turned to how to care for him at home.

There are a lot of products specially geared for premature babies or babies who are small (under 6 pounds) but do you really need any of them?

I personally wouldn’t recommend buying anything special for you premature baby. Your baby may be small now but they won’t stay that way for very long. Also most hospitals will not release your baby until they are at least 5 pounds. My son was 5 pounds 2 ounces the day he came home.

Diapers : The hospital will send you home with small diapers which your little one will soon outgrow. Besides they can wear newborn diapers if you fold the top down.

 Bottles and formula :  The hospital will also send you home with small bottles, nipples and a month or so worth of formula specifically for a preterm baby (if you decided to formula feed).

*Car seat: I definitely wouldn’t waste my money on a car seat for smaller babies IF the hospital says the one you already have is good. The baby will have to pass a car seat test where they are put in their car seat (with the base) and monitored for an hour to make sure they can sit up well in it, their breathing doesn’t stop and their heart doesn’t stop. Plus I know I didn’t want to leave the house with my son for the first two weeks if I didn’t absolutely have to, though that was mainly due to not wanting to irritate his freshly circumcised penis; anything that puts pressure on him, like a car seat strap can cause irritation to the healing wound.

Clothes : I did buy a few articles of clothing for my son in preemie size. I didn’t have to buy him any of them, however once he started to be able to regulate his body temperature the nurses began to put him in clothes that the hospital had. I wanted him to have something from home to be able to wear so I bought, washed and brought in 2 sleep sacs, 5 onesies, 2 pairs of pants and a sleeper. Once he was home he outgrew that size within two weeks. I could have put him in newborn clothes, which would have been big on him and saved myself the money. 

One thing I would recommend getting is a head support pillow, especially if you plan on using a swing or vibrating seat for your baby. The swing we bought didn’t have any head/neck support or any padding that would hold them in place. We used it, probably a little longer than we needed to, until my son was 5 months by his actual birth date.

How long will he need the preemie formula?

Preemies need to be on a special formula containing 2 or more extra calories per ounce. It also contains extra vitamins and calcium. Just about every doctor will tell you that preemies need to stay on preemie formula for 6 months, I’ve even had one tell me 12 months. My son has had no problem putting weight on and catching up size wise (he is just shy of 6 months and wearing 9 month clothes) but is still drinking it due to the added calcium and vitamins.

If your premature baby stops eats, loses the sucking reflex or starts to lose weight seek MEDICAL HELP IMMEDIATELY.  

How often should I feed him? Should I continue to stick to the strict schedule that the hospital had established?

In the hospital, my son was fed every three hours whether he was crying or not. If babies began crying that they were hungry before their scheduled eating time nurses would try to calm them down with a pacifier and hold them off until it was time. I was told this was so all the babies would be on a set schedule. They would all eat every three hours. From right before noon until roughly 1pm all the nurses would go around feeding all the babies. It seemed kind of wrong to me not to feed a baby that was clearly hungry when they began crying but there wasn’t much I could do. This strict schedule also meant feeding babies when they possibly weren’t hungry. Although I don’t think this was the case most of the time in the NICU. Newborns eat every 2-4 hours and preemies use so much energy growing, regulating their own body temperatures and developing that I doubt any baby in there wasn’t hungry after three hours rolled around.

So should I stick to the schedule that has already been established for him once I got home?

The nurses in the NICU told me yes, I should feed him every three hours. So I constantly had an alarm set on my phone to go off every three hours. I was concerned for some dumb reason that he would be hungry and not realize it or not cry. Looking back now this was a stupid move. I was always a feed on demand type of mom and would a baby really not realize that they were hungy. I kept up the 3 hour feeding routine for 2 weeks before stopping and just feeding on demand. Some times I would end up waking him up to feed him so I was feeding him when he wasn’t hungry. I could’ve gotten more sleep and more importantly I could’ve had him tell me when he was hungry so I wasn’t overfeeding him had I done what felt right. Overeating became a problem for my son, by the time he was 4 months old he was eating 60 ounces a day and weighed close to 15 pounds! I think he had gotten used to always being uncomfortably full and was unhappy if he wasn’t, plus all that unnecessary eating had stretched his stomach out so he didn’t feel full until he had 9 plus ounces in his stomach. As a general rule of thumb, a formula fed baby should be eating their weight multiplied by 1.5 in ounces. So a 10 pound baby should be getting a 15 ounce intake daily.

When should I start him on cereals and baby foods?

For term babies the recommendation is to start between 4 and 6 months however I was concerned with my son’s gastrointestinal tract not being mature enough. He was a month and a half early but he had been eating, digesting, and expelling waste pretty well since he was born. He did have a bit of an issue when he first came home with expelling waste but it stopped once we switched him from the pre-made formula to the powdered kind you need to mix yourself. I decided to wait until he was 6 months old by his actual age, 4 and a half months by his adjusted age. I told the doctor that that was my plan and he seemed to think it was a good one. With my plan to start him on cereal then, I would be covered by the 4 to 6 month range. However I had to start him on cereal when he was 5 months old due to his overeating problem. I was very concerned with his weight gain and his high daily intake of formula. I was told to start him on food to try to curb his appetite and help with a possible acid reflux problem. He had absolutely no problems after introducing cereal and then baby food. His GI tract was mature enough to handle it and it worked in slowing down his formula intake.

I also had a lot of questions about his age and development. He should have been born in the end of August but was born in early July.

How old is my baby?

There are two ways to tell people how old your baby is, actual age and adjusted age. Actual age is how old your baby is from their birth and adjusted age is how old your baby would have been had they been born on their due date. In the beginning when people would ask how old my son was I would give them the long answer, his actual age but he was born 6.5 weeks early and then I’d give them his adjusted age. However after he was 3 months old I began just telling people his actual age. You will want to be sure to tell doctors your baby’s actual age and tell them how far along you were, in weeks, when the baby was born.

When will he hit his milestones?

With my first baby I was very on top of milestone ages. I knew at any time what age to expect certain milestones and was very proud when my daughter hit them early and concerned when she was late. However now I don’t pay much attention because I realized that hitting milestones early or late didn’t really matter, as long as your child is hitting them. My son 1^st rolled over from belly to back at 2 and a half months old, he smiled for the 1^st time at 3 and a half months, laughed at 4 months and is currently working on sitting up and rolling from back to belly at 6 months. He is on par with his actual age on some things and late with others but as long as your baby is progressing it shouldn’t really matter if they walk at 9 months or 12 months.

When will he catch up?

Most doctors agree that premature babies will catch up by roughly 2 years old both size wise and developmentally.

I hope my experiences are helpful and can give some comfort. It can be very intimidating bringing home such a small baby who was born too early. Just take it day by day and remember to do what feels right to you.

*As I've stated before the opinions of those who submit guest blogs are not necessarily the beliefs of JediMomTrix.  Brecca states that as long as the hospital states the car seat is okay, that it is not necessary to buy a smaller seat.  However, a lot of infant seats are only recommended for children starting at a weight of 8 lbs.  Also, buying an extra head support item that did not come with the car seat can become dangerous, because it may not be manufactured to fit the car seat you chose.  I recommend if you have a premature baby, to visit the website http://csftl.org/. The group Car Seats for the Littles is a group who are certified technicians who specialize in recommending car seats for children of all ages as well as additional items to help your child fit in the car seat safely.  They can recommend the perfect seat for your child's size, age, and the type of car you will be driving, to help ensure a perfect install so you are not putting your child in danger.  You can also visit their Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/CarSeatsForTheLittles, and post a picture of your install or ask any questions and hear from a certified technician almost immediately with suggestions.  I am not saying that Brecca did anything wrong, her car seat may have been completely appropriate for her baby, as well as the headrest.  I simply wanted to specify that not all car seats, and all head support items are compatible for each premature baby.  Thank you.

9 Things About Post-Partum That Moms Don't Always Tell You

Having a baby is such a new experience, that we often spend a lot of our time thinking about the baby and less time thinking about ourselves, and the effect childbirth will have on us.  That's why I feel it is important to discuss some of the less known occurrences post-partum.  Knowing these things happen to other moms makes it a little easier when you're going through it, and it can be hard (and embarrassing) to talk to other moms about what's going on with your body.  I recommend finding a strong support group of other moms that you can talk to and go to when you have a question or a problem.  It will definitely help you feel more secure about yourself after having a baby, and will also save you the trouble of weeding through Google results wondering if you should call a doctor or not.  It's a lot easier to take someone's word when you can have a conversation with them face to face.  Still, if you don't have someone to talk to, or are simply doing some reading to prepare for your life with your new little one, I hope this blog helps you out!

My Hair- 

When Lucas was about 4 months old, I noticed a bunch of hair at the drain when I took a shower.  When I would brush my hair, my brush was filled with my hair, even if I cleaned it out after each use.  It was also growing incredibly fast.  It made me feel incredibly insecure, but when I reached out, I found that a lot of my mommy friends had experienced the same thing.  I soon found out, as they all assured me, that after a couple of months, it stopped.  Now my hair is still incredibly long but I don't have to worry about a handful of hair every time I shower.

Joint Pain- 

As I stated in a previous blog, around 6 weeks after having Lucas, I started having severe joint pain.  My wrists, knees, hips, and shoulders hurt so bad, it made holding Lucas very difficult and even resulted in a few tear filled mornings.  It was always worst right when I woke up in the morning.  Stretches did not help, the only thing that helped me was time.  After a few weeks, my body started getting stronger and the pain went away.

Mommy brain-

I prided myself on my intelligence before I got pregnant.  Then, when I was pregnant, I started noticing how forgetful I was, and how hard it was for me to think things through.  I thought once I had Lucas it would get better, but truth is, it didn't.  Now, I find it hard to think things through because my mind constantly goes back to Lucas.  If he needs my attention, I have trouble focusing on cooking dinner, or writing on my blog, or even packing the diaper bag.  The best way I've compensated for this is list-making.  If I write things down as soon as I think of them, then I can keep referencing it.  I still call my mom and ask her to remind me of what I need to pack sometimes, but now that Lucas is a year old, I'm finally finding it easier to focus.  But part of me still knows that I probably will never be back to my full thinking capacity.

Hemorrhoids-

Gross, I know.  But I think a lot of mothers know that hemorrhoids can happen during pregnancy.  What I was not aware of was that they can stay after you have a baby.  The first few weeks after you have a baby, you have plenty to worry about, but they can stick around even after that.  You can use the usual remedies: soaks, cream, witch hazel pads, and pills, but they still might persist.  Make sure to visit your doctor if they become thrombosed.

Your Period-

After having a baby, you will bleed, A LOT.  This can last for days, and sometimes weeks.  Your doctor will give you guidelines of when you should be worried.  On the other side of the spectrum, if you are breastfeeding, you may not get your period.  It varies how long it will take for you to start up again.  Some nursing mothers start menstruating a couple of months after they give birth, while other nursing moms don't menstruate until after they've begun weaning their child.  This does not mean that you cannot get pregnant, so you should not consider breastfeeding a source of birth control.

Loss of libido-

After you've had a baby, it's natural to experience a loss in libido.  After all, you did just have a baby, you're experiencing body changes, your sleep deprived, and you may not feel as close with your partner.  But there are other elements that may cause a prolonged loss of libido.  If you go on birth control, the hormones delivered to your body can affect your libido.  Also, studies have shown that breastfeeding can decrease your libido as well.  Because of breastfeeding, you are not producing as much testosterone which usually increases sex drive.  Make sure to communicate with your partner and talk to your doctor if you are concerned.

Saggy breasts-

If you've decided to breastfeed your child, you may have noticed a sizable increase in your breast size.  To some this excites them and they are happy with their new bodies.  However, after a few months of breastfeeding, you can begin to notice that your breasts are no longer perky.  Once your child starts solids, and is not nursing as often, you might notice stretch marks and sagging tissue.  This can be saddening, but chances are, your partner does not notice nor care.  It is a small price to pay for giving your child nourishment.

Hunger-

When you were pregnant, your appetite may have increased, and if you're like me, you might have loved being able to eat as much as you wanted.  While you may feel the desire to drop the baby weight as fast as possible, you may also notice that your large appetite does not go away after having a baby.  If you are breastfeeding especially, your body is signaling to you that it needs those extra calories to help produce nutrients for your baby.  Don't let your desire to drop the baby weight make you deny your body the nourishment it craves.  You need to eat to keep your strength up as well as to help feed your baby.  Those extra pounds will come off faster than you might think!

PH Imbalances-

It's pretty obvious that things "down there" are going to change after having a baby, but one of the things you may not be prepared for is that your PH balance may shift.  You may find dryness, itchiness, and worry that you have a yeast infection.  Talk to your doctor if these problems persist.  Your doctor will probably insist on a urine sample to test you for yeast infections or vaginal bacteria.  Make sure to wear breathable cotton panties, or go commando when you can to help.  You can also invest in a vaginal moisturizer or wash to help restore the PH balance.  Finally, eating yogurt has been shown to help with imbalances, as well as avoiding too much sugar and salty foods.  Make sure to communicate these problems with your partner as well.  Some mothers have reported pain during intercourse because of the increased dryness.

Feel free to comment below if you can think of any problems I may have forgotten (after all, I do have mommy brain!)

Breastfeeding Success

Now that my son is a year old, I consider my experience breastfeeding him a success.  Throughout his first year, I only had minor incidences that were easily resolved.  I've experienced pain while breastfeeding, engorgement, mastitis, and milk blisters, etc. I've also dealt with his teething and a couple of nursing strikes.  But to me, the hardest part about breastfeeding was the beginning.

When I was still pregnant with Lucas, I was incredibly nervous about breastfeeding.  I read several articles about how to breastfeed, and how to succeed at breastfeeding.  I watched videos online about breastfeeding as well.  I was so focused on the breastfeeding aspect of his first few weeks, that when pregnant I had several dreams about breastfeeding.  In fact, one night I actually had a dream about breastfeeding my cat.  It was agonizing worrying about something that I could only prepare for by reading.  I couldn't borrow a baby and breastfeed with them to practice.  I couldn't practice with a doll.  It was something that I had to wait and see if I was going to be able to do it.

I think part of this fear came from the pressure that new moms are subjected to when it comes to breastfeeding their baby.  We are told from the get go that "Breast is best" and that if we formula feed our babies that they are going to grow up unhealthy and not as intelligent.  They suggest that formula fed babies are not as nurtured as breastfed babies.  It adds so much extra pressure to a new mom when breastfeeding is not going well, because they are afraid that they have failed their child.  Being a new mom is hard enough without this added pressure.

There is a burden for a new mom as well if they are encountering pain in the beginning of breastfeeding.  I've read the books, and the articles, and a fair amount of them say that if you are experiencing any pain, chafing, or bleeding when breastfeeding, then you are doing it wrong.  These articles act like breastfeeding tickles.  They act like if you are experiencing any discomfort that you should pull your baby away from your breast and then readjust baby's latch until it no longer hurts.  I am here to tell you new mommies, even if you are doing everything right, sometimes, it still hurts.  I was told by doctors, and lactation consultants that Lucas' latch was perfect.  For the first few weeks, I stared at him when he was latching, studying him to ensure that he was still doing it the right way.  When he cut his first tooth and I started experiencing discomfort, I finally saw a slight change in his latch and was able to fix it.  But, in the beginning, his latch was perfect, and I was still in pain.  There were nights I would be nursing him, and I would be holding Jeremy's hand while he slept, squeezing it, trying to grit through the pain.  There was nothing wrong with his latch.  My body was getting used to nursing, and nursing every 2-3 hours, every day.  Your body needs time to adjust.  Don't panic and think that you are doing something wrong.  Don't feel guilty.  Check that the latch is okay, consult a lactation consultant, and then stick with it if you can.  But if you can't, that's okay too.  We mommies have to stick together, and while I am incredibly glad I breastfed Lucas, I promise I'm not going to shame you and think less of you if you don't breastfeed your child.

This brings me to my ultimate point of this entry.

My secret to breastfeeding success.

I do not think that my success is attributed to all the reading I did.  Honestly, I think I was very lucky that Lucas latched correctly, and I was lucky that I did not have a significant amount of discomfort in the beginning.  I have watched people struggle through the first few months of nursing, and count my blessings I was not one of them.  But there is one thing that I did that I believe is how I succeeded in breastfeeding through the first year of Lucas' life (I am still currently breastfeeding him as well).

My secret is...I had to.  From the moment that I became pregnant, I knew I had to breastfeed.  I'll admit that I was incredibly skinny before pregnancy, and the appeal of losing calories breastfeeding appealed to me, but that was not my reasoning either.  I had to breastfeed because, we would have never been able to raise a child with our income if we were buying formula.  We did our baby budget in the beginning, and had no idea how we were going to be able to afford it.  We lucked out that I was able to work until I was 9 months pregnant.  We were lucky that we had incredibly supportive and helpful parents who were able to buy us a crib, a changing table, a stroller, a car seat, etc.  We were blessed to have a diaper raffle at our baby shower and did not have to purchase diapers for Lucas until he was over 6 months old.  Until Lucas was about 8 months, we actually did not purchase a lot for him.  We bought a few outfits for him for the first few months of his life, but most of Lucas' things were hand-me-downs from friends, or items we received from our family and friends.  So, from the get-go, we knew that we would not have been able to afford formula.  Granted, if I had not been able to breastfeed, we would have had to budget again and get some help from our family.  Trust me, our child would never have starved, his grandparents and parents love him too much to ever have let that happen.  But every night that I was having difficulty, the prominent thought in my head was, I HAVE to do this.  I CANNOT give up.  We had some formula back-up in case, but I knew I wouldn't need it.  Having the mindset that this is something that you have to do, helped.  But I wasn't guilted into that mindset.  I never thought to myself, "I HAVE to do this, or my child will be stupid," or "I have to do this because it means I love my child more."  I simply had to do it because I had to.  Now, when I reflect back on those late nights, I know that was what got me through it.

We are in a better financial situation now, and we could afford to wean Lucas if we wanted, but I don't want to yet.  This was something I was able to provide for him, and it didn't cost a thing.  At the end of the day, the gifts we give our children that don't cost any money, are usually the best gifts we can give them anyway.  Our attention, our love, and...breastfeeding.

The "You Don't Understand" Complex

It is very rare that a personal opinion blog will get me so worked up.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and yes, even the ridiculous blogs with radical opinions, don't usually get me upset.  (I just roll my eyes and move on).  But I recently came across a post of someone talking about their career and how hard it is.  It was not necessarily the post itself that made me angry, but more the person who was posting it because I know what was going through their head.  They have this same career but are also a new mom.  So I know that they are posting this hoping to get a little understanding from their friends and family about how hard it has been going back to work and also being a mom at the same time. I even understand that the career in question is a very difficult one, and I definitely agreed with a lot of the points being made.  Again, that is not what made me angry.  It is the opinion that because one is a new mom and has this difficult career, that no one could possibly understand or sympathize what they are going through that makes me mad. So that is what this blog entry is about.  This, "You Don't Understand" complex that a lot of people seem to have today.

I am a stay at home mom.  A lot of people believe that because I am a stay at home mom, my life could not possibly compare to the life of a working mom.  I agree, yes, I do not have to find the energy every morning to wake up, get my kid's stuff ready, take him to daycare, and then head off to work to do a difficult job while battling with mommy brain, and missing my little one.  I'm sure it is quite difficult to manage.  I know that working moms are sad because they're potentially missing out on their child's first milestones, or they're worried their little ones will like the daycare workers better than them, or they just miss the snuggles and smiles in general.  I can imagine that is difficult, just because I don't work, doesn't mean I haven't left my child for an extended period of time.  My son has spent several weekends or overnights with Grandma and I remember missing him and I actually have missed a few of his milestones because he did them for Grandma first.  I may not know EXACTLY how you feel, but I can sympathize to your situation.

So perhaps, working moms, you can attempt to sympathize with my situation.  You have an opportunity everyday to get up and get ready for work.  Perhaps your significant other tends to the child so you can take a shower, put some makeup on, get dressed.  I bet that helps your self esteem a little bit.  To be able to look in the mirror every morning and see at least a little semblance to your pre-baby self.  I bet it feels good to put on nice clothes and go out in public feeling pretty (I know that there are days you may not feel this way).  I wake up every morning and my fiance is off to work.  He leaves and then for the next 10 hours, it is just me and Lucas.  Most days, I don't remember to put on deodorant.  My hair is almost constantly in a messy bun, because Lucas likes to pull and eat my hair.  I rarely wear make-up, but that doesn't stop me from breaking out like crazy now.  I look in the mirror, and I don't recognize myself.  And because I am a stay-at-home mom, I don't have a reason to "get pretty", except for the occasional chance I get to go out to eat or see friends.  Yes, on occasion, I will just brush my hair and put on some makeup to feel good about myself.  But then Lucas will fling squash in my face or spit up on me and ruin my nice shirt and I'll remember why I usually stay in sweatpants and a T-shirt.  My self-esteem hasn't disappeared, but for now it is compartmentalized so I don't take it out on my loved ones.  From gaining so much weight during pregnancy and now having no time to take care of my own appearance (and I admit I do have that time but I find other things more important, like taking that opportunity to take a nap instead), I don't know if my self-esteem will ever be the same.  This is not a pity party though.  This is just me trying to balance the scales.  Working moms are complaining about the balance of being a mom and working, so here I am, talking about the balance of being a mom and, well...being anything else.

Now my sole energy is on my child.  I am with him all the time, I am responsible for the same things your daycare workers are responsible for.  I must entertain him, often, but not so often that he doesn't know how to play independently.  I must sing him songs, talk to him almost constantly to help develop his verbal skills, be teaching him how to play with toys differently according to his age, etc.  I must do this all while trying to find time to feed myself, go to the bathroom, and do whatever needs done around the house, since someone is almost always home, it becomes extra messy.  And I begin to lose my identity.  I am mom.  My friends don't talk to me about their lives that much anymore because they know I "have a lot on my plate."  When they do talk to me, it's usually a short conversation of, "How's the baby?" and then a brief update on their life, "Things are good."  They don't realize that I would give anything to hear a little bit about their life and what's going on, so that I could be a "friend" as well as a mom.  They don't invite me out because they know I'm "busy" and "tired".  They don't realize that I would gladly be tired one day out of the month for the chance to get pretty and go out with friends and catch up and be a "woman" instead of just a "mom".
I've lost my brain too.  I have mommy brain to the worst extent because I am always around Lucas, so I am ALWAYS first and foremost a mommy, and cannot think about anything else except for him.  I don't get hours of a day away from him to try and refocus.  Even as I write this very blog post, Lucas is less than 3 feet away from me, and I can hear his snoring.  And as I acknowledged that little detail to myself, I could feel my brain getting foggier because I was starting to focus on why he is snoring, could he be getting a cold, should I turn the humidifier on, etc.

The point is, like I said, not a pity party.  I don't want your pity.  Because honestly, I'm happy that I'm learning not to base my worth on my appearance.  I'm glad that I get to play such an important role in my child's development.  But I do envy the working mom for developing their identity outside of being a mom.  For still being able to do things other than being a mom to help validate their worth and self esteem.  And still, this is not the point of this blog.
The point is, people really need to stop thinking, "No one could possibly understand what I'm going through right now."  I get that there can be a divide.  I think that yes, new dads do not always understand what new moms are going through.  I think that yes, people without children do not always understand what parents are going through. But there are always exceptions to that rule.  There are people out there that are exceptional sympathizers.  There are people who may not know exactly what you're going through but they can relate it to an experience they have gone through and get a least a general understanding.  There are people who may have no idea what you're going through but they can imagine how you must be feeling.
If you look at the world and think, "No one understands", then you are the problem.  You are putting yourself in a box, separating yourself from everyone else and wondering why no one is giving you any sympathy.  You have to be willing to talk about what's going on and attempt to get your friends and family to understand in order to gain their sympathy and help.  Of course no one is going to understand what you're going through if you have not mentioned a single word of your struggle.

I know that it is difficult as a new mom.  You don't want anyone to see you struggle.  You want everyone to think that you are handling things perfectly.  But, if you are going to pretend everything is fine, then you cannot expect for people to understand what you're going through, because as far as they know, you aren't going through anything.

I'm not saying everyone should start crying and whining all the time about every little thing, but there is a way to talk about motherhood and its difficulties.  And the best way to start that conversation is usually, "Honestly, I've been having a hard time with..."

But until you start to acknowledge that other people are capable of understanding it, you aren't going to get any help, or sympathy, or understanding.  You are going to end up alone and then, yes, you are going to be having a difficult time trying to deal with it all.  Open yourself up and let others help.  Yes, life is hard.  Yes, certain jobs are hard.  Yes, being a mom is hard.  But everyone is having a hard time out there, and it can only get better with some understanding.

Flying While Pregnant

Late in my pregnancy, my fiancé Jeremy wanted to fly to Germany to spend New Year's Eve with his family. When I did the math, I realized we'd be flying when I was 29 and 30 weeks pregnant. I was overwhelmed, and to be honest, a little afraid. Of course, I was filled with questions. What if I went into labor on the plane? Or in Germany? Would I even be allowed to fly? I had a long talk with my fiancé about my fears and we talked to my doctor about the trip. For this blog, I have composed a list of things you should do or be aware of if you plan on flying when pregnant. 

Planning: 

If you have a choice of when to fly, or are planning on taking a babymoon, try and plan the trip during your second trimester. You'll have more energy, be more comfortable, and have less risk of going into preterm labor.

Check your airlines guidelines for flying. If you decide to fly during your third trimester, you'll want to confirm that your airline allows this, and what they'll require. Some airlines do not let you fly past certain weeks. Some will allow you to fly up until your last week of pregnancy as long as you have consent from your doctor. Talk to your doctor ahead of time about the trip, and plan a doctor's appointment for within 72 hours of your departure date. Some airlines require doctor's permission within 72 hours of your departure for you to be allowed on the flight, so it is better safe than sorry. You'll need to have a signed form from the doctor for when you board. (For me, I did not need a specific form, I only needed the doctor to type up a permission form himself and sign it.)

While you're talking to your doctor about your trip, you may want to ask for recommendations of doctors or a practice to visit at your destination. In case problems arise while you are on your vacation, you'll want to have someone who knows your medical history and about your pregnancy thus far, as well as someone who will take your insurance.  Your doctor may have a recommendation, or you may have to pursue finding a doctor on your own. It will be beneficial planning to research the nearest hospital to where you are staying as well. I say this not to cause you worry, actually to do the opposite. If you are like me, planning eases your nerves, and you'll feel better knowing that I'd something happens, you have a plan for what to do to protect you and your baby. 

You may want to invest in travel insurance. I don't say this because my fiancé is a travel agent (though I have seen him help many a stranded client because they were smart enough to purchase the insurance). It is in your best interests to get the travel insurance in case you do get stranded or there are complications and you need to return home sooner than you planned. It will save you money and take some of the pressure off you if you get caught in a bad situation. A stress-free mommy is best for the baby.

Consider booking a first class seat. I flew coach at 30 weeks, and while it was not terrible, I didn't have a lot of room to stretch my feet. If you have the money, book first class. Your swelling feet, and achey back will thank you for it. 

Also make sure to book yourself an aisle seat. You'll be grateful not to have to climb over anyone when you get up to go to the bathroom or walk around. It also gives you a little more space to stretch out and get comfortable.

Packing

When it comes to packing for your trip, you want to keep in mind your destination. Then, almost as important, you want to keep in mind your comfort. You want clothes that will be comfortable no matter what you do or where you go. If you're feeling anxious about looking cute on your trip, remember that accessories are your best friend. Whether it be some cute scarves (if you're picking a colder destination), or a cute tote that matches your sarong (for a beach destination), that will make your outfits feel cute, when you're self conscious about your big belly and changing body. Make sure you have comfortable shoes if you are going to be doing a lot of walking.

Don't forget to take any medications you might need. For me, this was Tums for my acid reflux and my prenatal vitamins. 

Also have on hand your medical information, insurance cards, any paperwork that might be important to have in case you have to stop in at a doctor's office.

Make sure to pack snacks in your carry on bag. You never know if the food on the flight is going to be alright for you to eat or if it is going to make you feel sick. It's important for you to keep up your strength.

Flying

Dress comfortably! Sometimes planes are hot, sometimes cold. When you're pregnant, you never know how you are going to feel, so dress in easy to remove layers and comfortably.

Wear comfortable shoes that are easy to slip off. I know it sounds obvious, but I wore sneakers to be comfortable and ended up regretting it. On the flight back, my feet began to swell, and because of turbulence I couldn't walk around. It was incredibly awkward for me to slip off my sneakers and even harder trying to put them back on when we had landed.

Walk around as much as you can. For me it was enough just to get up and go to the bathroom every hour or so (pregnant woman bladder haha). This will boost circulation and help prevent swelling. Try to walk when you can, even if you don't have to go to the bathroom, you never know when they might turn on the seatbelt sign. Like I said before, we had turbulence on our returning flight and so we could not get out of our seats for most of our 9 hour flight; I regretted not getting up when I had the chance, and my swollen feet weren't happy either!

You may want to take something on your flight to help alleviate motion sickness. Ginger snaps or hard candy can help, or a bracelet that is designed to help. If you don't have either of these things and start to feel sick on the flight, avoid reading, set the fan to blow on your face to help you cool down, and apply some pressure to the inside of your wrists to help reduce sickness.

Make sure you wear your seatbelt low and under your belly. It will be more comfortable like that, and safer for you and baby.

Don't be afraid to ask the flight attendants for help. Don't take advantage of them, but if you need a drink or to go to the bathroom when the seat belt sign is on, make sure to ask. They are there to make everyone more comfortable, and will do what they can to help you out. Our flight attendants were very courteous to me, and often would offer me something to drink each time they went by to make sure I stayed well hydrated, and even allowed me to go to the bathroom once when the seatbelt sign was on. 

Finally, have fun and relax! It is a different experience traveling when pregnant, but it is even more difficult traveling with a baby. It may be your last trip in awhile, so enjoy yourself!

Our Star Wars Nursery

Now I'll admit right now. Jeremy is a huge Star Wars fan and it spread to be from the beginning of us dating. Now we are certainly a Star Wars family (I know, no real shocker there.) It is no coincidence our son is named Lucas. 

                "Luke, I am your father."

So, it was pretty obvious that the nursery was going to be Star Wars themed. However, we didn't want to put too much money into it. We also didn't want to spend a lot of time worrying about it while I was pregnant, or when he was a baby, because well, he was going to be too small to remember it. But that was just our opinion. I'll admit part of me wishes I had gotten to do some of that nesting. But I digress.

Now that Lucas is almost a year old, we've revisited the idea of decorating his nursery. When we picked out our furniture and sheets and such, we kept our theme in mind, and I started coming up with certain ideas. The other day when Lucas was napping, I finally decided to bring one of my ideas into reality and wanted to share it with you. 

             Meet R2-NoPoo

Yes, that's right. I turned our diaper genie into a Star Wars droid. It was very simple, and I actually haven't seen this idea around the Internet, which surprises me. All it took was a paint pen, a few pictures online, a steady hand, and a nap time to keep Lucas out of the way. The best thing about this is, because I used paint pen, I could always clean off the design if I didn't like it or wanted to change something. I still have some touch ups to do, but Jeremy was quite pleased with it. (And since he's such a Star Wars fan, I considered that his stamp of approval). It was one of the cheapest and easiest crafts I could think to start off our Star Wars nursery and wanted to share it with my readers! Enjoy!

SAHM Business Recommendation- Photography By Katie

My Stay-At-Home Mom Business Recommendation for this month is a lovely photographer named Katie Bingaman, whose business is called Photography By Katie.  I took Lucas to get photos taken by her when he was 2 months old and loved them and loved her.  Now, I will admit I have known Katie for awhile, but her work really is wonderful.  My favorite parts of her service were that she does not set time constraints for her sessions (unless otherwise specified), she allows you time to nurse or comfort your child, and she has a heater nearby for those adorable little naked baby shots so your little one doesn't get cold.  She is willing to take your suggestions as well as throwing in a few of her own ideas so you get a good variety of images.  Here is more about how Katie got started:

"I have always loved photography… in fact, I once got into trouble for taking pictures of vehicles and the tops of people’s heads from my second story bedroom when I was in elementary school. 

My passion for photography continued to grow throughout high school (although I had graduated to photographing people’s faces rather than the tops of their heads… lol). I went to college and graduated with a bachelor’s degree in photography and computer digital imagery in 2006 from Shepherd University in Shepherdstown, WV. From there, I worked for two major photography companies, photographing over 3,000 sessions. 

My daughter, Genesis (aka Woogie), was born in March of 2012.  At that point I decided I couldn’t leave her all day to photograph other people’s children and my husband encouraged me to pursue my dream of starting my own studio.  That brings us to where we are today!

My goal is to provide a relaxing atmosphere for you and your family as we capture memories that will last a lifetime. 

I am strictly an on-location (with the exception of newborns and cake smashes), natural light photographer located in Central Pa.  I specialize in moms-to-be, newborns, children, families, seniors, and couples.

www.katiebingamanphotography.com

www.facebook.com/photobykatie

Thanks!"

**Jedimomtrix did not receive any free merchandise nor was she compensated for writing this review.

Post-Partum Joint Pain

When Lucas was around six weeks old, I woke up one morning to pick him up out of his bassinet and noticed my right shoulder was very tight. I lifted him out with some difficulty and proceeded to have our morning nursing session, while rolling my shoulder a little to try and loosen it up. Later that day, when I was burping Lucas, I noticed my right wrist was also incredibly sore. I flinched a few times while burping him, and then grabbed my wrist brace and put it on. I dismissed it as my carpal tunnel acting up. The next morning when I woke up, not only were those joints hurting, but my left knee made it incredibly difficult to even get out of bed. When nursing, I would sit in bed with the boppy pillow, sitting Indian Style. I had paid so much attention to making sure my back was in the proper position, I hadn't paid much attention to my knees. By the third and fourth days, when Lucas would wake up in the morning, Jeremy would have to pull him out of the bassinet for me. I was in so much pain, I had to attempt and switch holding Lucas to the opposite side as well as burping him with the other hand. It was difficult but I made due, until those joints started hurting as well. Now, with already being sleep deprived, and the house being a mess, this additional joint pain threatened to break me. I was in tears. I would take Tylenol on occasion, but I have never been one to take medicine unless absolutely necessary. I attempted yoga a few times while Lucas was napping, but more often than not, I ended up sleeping during his naps instead. So I decided to do what I always do when I have questions. I sought out answers.

None of the moms that I knew seemed to remember having joint pain around this time. They admitted to being sore, but I'm assuming that their sleep deprivation was stuck in their memory more than having a few stiff joints. I knew it made sense for me to have stiff joints. I mean, of course you're going to be stiff when you start carrying a 7-10 lb baby around all day. But I figured with some exercise or stretching, the pain would subside. When I googled post-partum joint pain, the results were a lot of people talking about having it, but not a lot of answers as to why, or how to relieve it. I had my six week checkup that week, and asked my doctor, and finally got some answers.

There is definite reason why a lot of moms experience post-partum joint pain but there are two speculations. One is what I previously stated; it is perfectly normal for your muscles and joints to get stiff in adjustment to your carrying around a baby. You spent the past 9-10 months with extra weight and had the pain and stiffness that came with that, so it is to be expected that after delivering there will need to be adjustments made as well. Now you are also using muscles that you haven't used as often in the past few months. You are carrying a baby in your arms, you are lifting them out of their bassinet and putting pressure on your shoulders, you are nursing and putting pressure on your back. 

The second speculation for the joint pain is that around 6 weeks your body finally ridding itself of the hormone Relaxin. Relaxin is a hormone emitted during pregnancy to help loosen your ligaments so you can grow to accommodate the baby. Simply put, your ligaments have gone soft during pregnancy and around this time they begin to firm up again, causing you pain. 

I wish I could tell you of some miracle cure that helped heal me from this post partum joint pain, but the truth is, I don't even remember how long it lasted. From what I can remember of those first few months, I'd speculate my joint pain lasted from Lucas being 6 weeks old, until he was about 9 weeks old. However, from what little research I have found on the subject, apparently the pain can last up until around 6 months. 

My recommendations to you if you are suffering from post-partum joint pain are simple. Take it easy. I know that it is tempting around this time to go a little crazy. The initial thrill has worn off, so yor family is not around as much. You have gotten the hang of how long your little one sleeps and when. It is very tempting to use this time to catch up on all that housework you have put off. I'm not telling you to ignore it (or there would probably be a lot of grumpy husbands). I'm simply telling to conquer it in moderation. You should be taking it easy around this time anyway. I suggest allotting one nap time to doing one or two easy tasks around the house. Maybe put one load of laundry in and wash some dishes. Maybe dust the house and wipe down some counters. But I would not recommend deciding you are going to do 6 loads of laundry, clean out the closet, scrub the bathtub, and clean the ceiling fans. Take it easy and do a little at a time, and then use the other nap times to do things for yourself.

Around this time I could count on Lucas to have about 3 naps. The first I would use to nap myself. The second I would use to eat lunch and then AFTER I ate j would do some sort of cleaning. The third I would use for myself, whether it be reading, taking a quick bath, tweezing my eyebrows, or taking yet another nap. I admit I went crazy in the beginning with the cleaning and I paid for it by not being able to pick my baby up without grimacing for at least two weeks. Trust me as a mommy who still remembers the pain, the cleaning can wait, those little moments with your little one cannot. You may not remember the pain later, but things are hard enough in the beginning for a new mom, why add to it?

Acid Reflux During Pregnancy, and My Surprising Remedy

We've all heard the old wives' tales about pregnancy. If you crave salty foods over sweets, you're having a boy. If you break out, you're having a girl. And one of the common tales I heard while pregnant was if you have acid reflux during pregnancy, your kid will have a lot of hair. 

Where's all the hair???

When I was pregnant, as soon as I started actually getting big, I developed acid reflux. I had it before pregnancy on rare occasions, but as soon as I hit the second trimester, there is was, a constant reminder that everything I put in my mouth was not agreeing with me.

Now, I tried the dietary changes. But I also had been about 110 lbs most of my adult life and being pregnant to me, was also a time to celebrate that I could eat pretty much whatever I wanted. I watched what I ate yes. My lunchtimes were full of healthy salads with spinach, edamame and other super foods. I wasn't eating ice cream and McDonald's everyday. But, if I got a craving for Long John Silver's, I sent Jeremy to get Long John's.

When the acid reflux started rearing it's ugly head, I started watching what I was eating more closely. I got a nice bottle of Tums and hoped for the best. Soon enough, I was taking entirely too many tums. It would help but only for an hour or so. Nighttime was miserable for me, so I tried sleeping on my left side or sleeping with my upper half elevated. Still, I'd wake up burping that disgusting vomit taste that burnt my throat so badly, I'd be crying. I started to look up different remedies I could take. Did you know it is actually dangerous to take too many Tums because it can leach the magnesium from your bones? I didn't want to do anything like that! I was all about protecting my baby. The doctor gave me another recommendation for a chewable that is actually now off the market (I can't remember the name, but I remember my next doctor had a face of horror when I said I had been taking it. Apparently it causes some major bowel problems, as I found out all too quickly.) I started back in my research for natural remedies. During work, I chewed gum (it increases salva production which is supposed to help clear the acid). I also tried drinking lemon juice and water in the morning before work and apple juice at work. I even tried some apple cider vinegar. Nothing worked. All these solutions were temporary, and I was already becoming majorly sleep deprived.

They say not to eat close to bed, but my work schedule did not allow that. I tried to stay awake for a couple of hours after eating, but often I'd fall asleep sitting up watching TV. I was eating only bland food with barely any seasoning (Jeremy was not happy). I tried eating pickles, and in the middle of the night I would even swallow spoonfuls of honey. I drank chamomile tea. I avoided caffeine. I ate small meals. Nothing worked.

Then, I finally discovered my magic remedy. One night in desperation at 3am, I put a tablespoon of baking soda in a glass of water. I took a big gulp and immediately felt relief. I slept like a baby that night. For the rest of my pregnancy, I would make myself one glass of water with a little bit of baking soda mixed in. Anytime I felt that nasty burp coming, I'd take a sip. I wasn't drinking it constantly. That, actually would have been a terrible idea. You see, baking soda helps you retain water, a problem most pregnant women already have. So, if any of my readers try this, I will tell you to only do it in moderation and to keep an eye out for any swelling. But for me, it worked. After a few weeks, I noticed I never even finished the whole glass, so I started putting a pinch of baking soda in a glass of water and drinking the whole thing. That would usually get me through the night. It was amazing to finally feel better! 

Now I'm not telling my readers to skip all other home remedies. In fact, you should try some if you are having problems with acid reflux. Also, make sure to talk to your doctor about your problems. They may be able to better guide you, I am not a medical professional. I simply wanted to inform you of what worked for me, as well as give you a list of what I tried so if you're experiencing problems you can try some for yourself and find out what works best for you.  

So here it is:

My List of Acid Reflux Remedies

Lifestyle Changes- 

Adjust your diet

Sleep on left side

Sleep with head elevated

Avoid trigger foods and caffeine

Avoid eating close to bedtime 

Eat small more frequent meals

Over the Counter Aids- 

Tums

Mylanta

Maalox

Prevacid

Food or Drinks to Counteract-

Baking soda with water (tbsp)

Apple cider vinegar (tbsp)

Apple after meals

Pickle juice

Lemon juice and water

Chewing gum

Spoonful of honey

Chamomile tea

Hopefully one of these remedies, or a combination will help you get some relief during your pregnancy. I am not a doctor, so please do not blame me if you do not find relief based on the items on this list, make sure you are talking to your own doctor for their recommendations as well.

And as for the hairy baby? Well I expected Lucas to look like Chewbacxa when he was born because of all the problems I had when I was pregnant with acid reflux. He was simply born with the tiniest mullet. So, I guess in our case, that old wives' tale was not true. 

Guest blog: When Labor Veers From Your Birth Plan

Brecca is the mother of two.  Her oldest child is a girl, Kylie, and her youngest is a boy, Patrick.  Patrick was born 6 weeks prematurely.  Brecca writes about the difficulty of having a delivery that was unlike her birthing plan.  She will also be doing another guest blog about the difficulties of raising a premature child.  

Generally, women start to think about their birth plan halfway through their pregnancy. I normally don't feel comfortable with anything unless I have set, detailed plan. But with my pregnancies I went with the flow. I never formally wrote my plan down with either of my children nor was either very detailed. However, what few things I wanted, I was very sure of: I wanted to labor at home for as long as I could stand it, I didn't commit to an epidural nor rule it out, I wanted to wait and see how bad the pain was and most importantly, I did not want to be induced no matter how past due I was and I did not want to have a c-section. But I'm sure as everyone knows sometimes plans work out and sometimes they don't.

With my first baby, everything I wanted ending up working out. I labored at home for 4 hours, longer if you count the hour drive to the hospital and the half an hour wait on the side of the road due to a flat tire. I ended up having an epidural so I could rest since we were in the middle of moving to a new place and I hadn't been able to sleep much the previous week. My daughter was born vaginally after 12 hours of labor and 20 minutes of pushing. Everything went according to my very loose plan. 

However 2 and a half years later, the birth of my son wasn't what I was expecting or planning. My son was due at the end of August but he was born 6.5 weeks early in the beginning of July. With him, I had to be induced because both our lives were in danger. My blood pressure was dangerously high and I was so swollen everywhere that my parents and even my daughter didn't recognize me. 

Almost exactly a week prior to his birth, I was diagnosed with preeclampsia.  After a 36 hour stay at the hospital, doctors decided it was a mild case and sent me home. Even though I stayed off my feet and avoided salt, it didn't stay mild for long.  After a few days I was so swollen that not even my husband's shoes fit me.  I constantly felt exhausted and sore everywhere. I was terrified the whole week because I knew I had to keep him in there as long as I possibly could to give him a better chance of being born alive and healthy. Every day felt like I was juggling chainsaws, like one tiny thing could happen and everything would go very wrong. Every night felt like  a victory since I had made it another day and my son was still inside my womb. That week was the most stressful and longest week of my life.

On the morning of July 9th I woke up feeling the worst I had yet. I had a routine appointment in the afternoon and decided to wait a few extra hours and go to the appointment rather than going to the hospital. After the nurse recorded my weight she took my blood pressure, it was dangerously high. She kept taking it over and over again to make sure it was correct. After she kept getting the same numbers she left to inform my doctor.  I must have been alone in the exam room for 5 minutes but it felt like hours. I knew what my doctor would say before she even came in; I needed to go to the hospital and more likely than not have to be induced or have an emergency c-section. As soon as the doctor walked in the exam room I started crying hysterically, I was terrified. After she calmed me down as best she could, my husband who was watching our 2.5 year old in the waiting room was called back and told to take me directly to the hospital.

My husband dropped me off in the emergency room where I was promptly transported up to labor and delivery and hooked up to a magnesium drip to try to get my blood pressure under control. Once settled in, I began to text my husband everything I needed him to bring me from home while he arranged a babysitter for our daughter. Within an hour the doctor on call decided that I had to be induced.

 It wasn't part of my plan at all; however, I didn't care what had to happen as long as my son and I were going to be okay. Thankfully the week prior I had gotten a steroid shot to help my son's lungs so they didn't have to wait 24 hours to start an IV with pitocin. I only knew 3 things about having labor induced; the contractions were irregular and more painful, it lasted longer than naturally occurring labor and c-sections were more likely due to the length of labor or it not progressing. I was assured that my chances of a c-section were slim not only because I had given birth vaginally before and because my son would be small but also because I was already mildly contracting before they began the induction. The other two things I thought I knew turned out not to be true in my case.

The whole induction process wasn't nearly as bad as the horror stories I had heard. While my contractions were irregular they weren't very painful at all and after the pitocin was started I was only in labor for 18 hours. Eventually contractions did begin to hurt and I ended up having an epidural because of a recommendation from my mom. Her logic was that pain increases blood pressure and mine was too high even with the medicine to lower it, it seemed it would be safer for me to relieve the pain. However, I did experience the worst pain of my life during the birthing process of my son and it wasn't from something I expected.

Magnesium is a wonderful drug for lowering blood pressure however it has two nasty side effects. One of which is nausea. I did end up getting sick twice though I'm not sure if it was from magnesium or from being in labor. My main issue with the nausea side effect was that I wasn't allowed to eat. I know, during labor no one is really allowed to eat or drink but my intake restriction lasted for 24 hours after giving birth. I was starving and one wonderful nurse ended up sneaking me some water and crackers during my observation period. The other side effect was the headache. I had the worst headache of my life without any real relief for two days thanks to it. When I mentioned my headache I was told it wouldn't go away until after the magnesium was stopped and that wouldn't be until after I made it through my 24 hour supervision in labor and delivery after my son was born. The only things I could do to slightly lessen the pain was have the lights low and have one of those ice pack pads they give you postpartum on my eyes. I think I went through 20 of them and looked really stupid but at that point I really didn't care as long as something could help. The headache was by far the most painful part of my son's birth and his birth was both more painful and less painful than my daughter's.

After almost 18 hours of labour I was only 5 cms dilated and my doctor decided to break my water before she had to leave to preform a c-section on another woman. Little did anyone in that room know that she would be delivering my baby before her scheduled c-section. Once my water was broken I informed the doctor that I felt extreme pain and the urge to push, she didn't believe me until she checked me again. Within a few seconds of my water being broken I had gone from 5cms to 10cms, fully dilated. She told me that I had to wait to start pushing until the NICU doctors came in and were set up. The pain of progressing so quickly, not having the epidural adjusted accordingly and fighting the urge to push was by far worse than any aspect of my daughter's labor. However, it hurt a lot worse with my daughter while pushing and birthing her.  She was 7lbs 2oz and tore me in the birthing process. My son however, was 4lbs and 3oz and easily came out after 2 pushes.

Thankfully my son was born healthy even though he was only 33.5 weeks along. As soon as he entered the world he screamed which was the most beautiful sound my husband and I had ever heard, it meant his lungs were functional. Unfortunately I only got to see him for a few seconds before he was rushed to the NICU. He looked small but better than I was expecting. He didn't look sickly or like a skeleton. It would be another 3 days before I would get to see him again in person and hold him because I had a long recovery ahead of me.

I had to stay in the hospital for 5 days after he was born. I was still considered to be in a critical period for 24 hours because preeclampsia can still be dangerous after giving birth. After a day of more magnesium and constant supervision I was moved from labor and delivery to the maternity ward. It then took another few days to figure out the correct dosage of my blood pressure medication and to make sure I was stable enough to go home. The swelling, which caused me to put on roughly 20 pounds of water weight, went away pretty quickly once I returned home. I would wake up 5 to 10 pounds lighter than when I went to bed. The hardest part of my recovery was not being with my new baby right away and having to go home without him. But that's another story all together.

 I wish I hadn't believed all the horror stories I had heard about being induced because it caused me unnecessary stress. I was so scared that I would be in labor for 72 hours before having to have a c-section and be in horrible pain the entire time. But in my experience, being induced wasn't any better or worse than my daughter's birth, it was just different. My birth plan may not have gone the way I wanted it to go but I am so thankful that both my son and I are alive and healthy, so it doesn't matter that it didn't go exactly how I wanted it to go.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of Brecca's story...

*The views and opinions of guest bloggers are not necessarily the opinions of those at JediMomTrix.

The First Few Weeks- When Expectation Meets Reality

What You May Not Want To Hear

When you hear about motherhood, you are usually provided with two images.  The first is the glowing, happy feeling.  The mom looking down on her newborn baby and smiling, so overcome with love and happiness.  Luckily media has also started portraying a different image.  The mom whose hair is a wreck, she's covered in poo and hasn't slept for weeks.  But seeing the latter image doesn't stop each pregnant woman from hoping, "that won't be me, I'm going to love my baby so much."  Then after you have your baby, you watch the mandatory shaking baby video and think to yourself, "there's no way i am ever going to be that frustrated."  But this blog entry is here to tell you, you're a fool.  And part of the reason that so many moms are getting Post-Partum Depression is because moms start motherhood off with pre-conceived notions of how it is going to be, and then end up disappointed.

Pre-conceived notions are your enemy.

Think about when you go into a situation expecting something.  Doesn't it make you so much more disappointed when it doesn't turn out the way you expected it?  I know I am incredibly guilty of this, and I know there are millions of women out there that do the same. Motherhood is the same.  You go into it thinking that you are going to have it all figured out.  Maybe you've done all the reading.  Maybe you've watched all your friends have babies.  Maybe you've always wanted to be a mom and feel like you're going to be a natural.

But then....

Your husband/significant other/baby daddy doesn't turn out to be as supportive as you thought he would be at 4am.
You end up getting incredible sore nipples during that 3am feeding and find yourself sobbing in the dark.
You can't remember the last time you put on deodorant.
You read your friends status on facebook about them going to a party and cry because you can't remember the last time you had a conversation with an adult.
You end up trying to rationalize with your baby "If you just went to sleep you wouldn't be so tired now would you?"

You might find yourself angry at your baby.  And then you are overridden with guilt because this is your baby, that you've wanted for as long as you can remember, and here you are mad at this beautiful little creature, who can't help it that they can't fall asleep unless you are holding them.

But I'm here to tell you, to stop feeling guilty.  Okay, okay, I'm not telling you to yell at your baby, or to shake your baby.  But I am telling you that you are not a terrible person for feeling discouraged or defeated. This happens to tons of mommies in the beginning, but we are taught that this feeling is taboo because having a baby is a blessing that not all get to experience so we should be grateful.

Yes, you should be grateful.  You should look at that beautiful baby's face as least once a day and thank your lucky stars that they are in your life.  All I'm saying is that it's okay to be crying in frustration when you're rocking your baby to sleep at 4am when all you want is to sleep for a consecutive 3 hours.  I'm saying it's okay to whine to someone about how hard breastfeeding is for you, or how upset you are that you're covered in baby pee and spit up and you don't know if you're going to get to shower today.  Because most likely, if your confidante is another mom, she will know exactly how you're feeling.

The issue here is that your expectations are meeting reality.  You are expecting to get a very specific diamond necklace that you've had your eye on for Christmas, and then you occasionally get a little disappointed when you look at the tiny silver bracelet you got instead.  You're still grateful for the gift, you think it's beautiful and you actually love it, but you get slightly upset because it isn't exactly what you thought you were going to get.  A baby is hard.  We go into pregnancy and labor with all these expectations of what it is going to be like, and when we hear the horror stories we dismiss them, assuming either they won't happen to us, or that once the baby comes we will forget all the bad and be overwhelmed with the good.  But that doesn't always happen.  Sleep deprivation and loneliness, and all sorts of other things result in frustration and disappointment.  So, I guess my purpose of this entry is for those moms-to-be to recognize that as much as you think you may know what you're getting yourself into....you have NO idea.  And the best thing you can do for yourself is not to develop all these expectations because it will be even more disappointing if things don't turn out that way.

Sure...you can imagine what it's going to be like to hold your baby for the first time.
And you can imagine what he or she is going to look like, and what songs you are going to sing to them, and all of that wonderful stuff.
Just don't be disappointed if the first time you hold your baby, he pees on you (that's what Lucas did to me).  Don't be disappointed if he gets your nose (and that was the one thing you absolutely did not want him to have of yours), and don't be disappointed if he screams every time you sing the one song you really wanted him to enjoy as a lullaby.  Because those are the little things you'll remember when he gets older, and you'll laugh at all the new moms who had so many expectations as well.  Don't waste your time with too many expectations, but more importantly, don't be so hard on yourself when YOU don't live up to your own expectations as a mom.  Because your little one is not going to remember you crying at 3am when he or she was 3 weeks old.  All mommies have those moments where they break down and wonder if they can handle the pressure.  But then your little one looks at you with his or her first gummy smile, or coos, or just squeezes your finger and then that supernatural mommy strength returns.

Don't let your expectations make you miss out on the beauty of reality.

Irritable Uterus- Yes, It Does Exist

My Irritable Uterus

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I started having contractions that I knew were not the typical Braxton Hicks contractions.  Each time, my nerves would skyrocket, and I'd set the timer on my phone.  Sometimes, two or three would be consistent, but most of the time I'd just have one contraction and then nothing.  There were a couple of mornings where I was convinced that these contractions meant that I was in labor, I'd tell Jeremy to keep an eye on his phone, or ask him to not even go to work.  Each time, after a few hours, the contractions would subside.  I started to panic, thinking I would never be sure of when I was really in labor.  I went in for one of my weekly check-ups, and as the doctor was checking my fundal height, he commented that he could feel I was having a contraction.  I mentioned that I had been having them intermittently for the past month.  He noticed that every time he applied any pressure on my stomach, I would get a contraction.  They were not incredibly painful, but they were uncomfortable, and definitely different than the Braxton Hicks I had been having.  The doctor determined that I had an IU, or an irritable uterus.  Despite the many different books and articles I had read about pregnancy and childbirth, I had read absolutely NOTHING about IU, and even as I went to google in attempts to find something out about it, the resources were quite lacking.  So I wanted to take some time to talk about this on my blog just in case any of my reader's has experienced the same thing, or is experiencing the same thing and has no idea what it is.

Differences Between IU, Braxton Hicks, and Labor Contractions

Let's explain what an Irritable Uterus is.  IU is when a woman has contractions but they do not have any effect on the cervix (so you are not dilating with each contraction).  Another difference between IU contractions and labor contractions is that with IU, the contractions are not usually consistent and can, at times, be constant.  My own personal experience was that, at times there would be a constant twitching and tightening in my stomach for sometimes as long as a half hour.  Other times I would have a contraction for a minute and then it would go away for half an hour and then return.  It was completely unpredictable, but different than the Braxton Hicks because the level of discomfort was different.  With Braxton Hicks you feel your stomach tighten and it can be difficult to breathe for a few seconds.  With my IU contractions, I felt my stomach tighten and there was a heavy pressure as well as cramping pain.  They were very similar to my labor contractions, except for the fact that they were not consistent and the level of pain did not increase as time progressed.  Finally, there are different triggers for IU.  For me, as I said before, anytime any amount of pressure would be applied to my stomach, I usually caused myself to have a contraction.  If someone touched my belly, if I was sitting in the car too long, if I had to squeeze past someone in the grocery store, there it was.

If You Have IU

If the doctor determines you have IU, depending on other risk factors, they may put you on bed rest or ask you to come in for weekly non-stress tests.  While there has not been a lot of solid research about IU yet, doctors have determined that at times it can trigger pre-term labor.  Luckily for me, I ended up not being high risk.  I did not need to be on bed rest, and I never went into pre-term labor.  In fact, I ended up being overdue by a week and half (though I didn't need to be induced).  While it caused discomfort and caused a few days of sleepless nights and a fair bit of tears, my experience with IU was more of a speed bump.  The most unfortunate part of it was that there was so little research done on it, and I had never heard of anyone having it.  When you're pregnant, books and other friends' experiences become your comfort, so being diagnosed with something that I had never heard of, and most people had never heard of, was very scary to me.  Hopefully my testimony and a little bit of information here will ease the mind of someone else who is going through the same thing.

More Information

 If you're looking for some more information, your best bet is to google IU and read the accounts of the few people who have actually gone through it.  You can also refer to these websites:

http://www.irritable-uterus.com/BH_vs_IU.asp

http://www.everydayfamily.com/irritable-uterus-vs-braxton-hicks/