Now that my son is a year old, I consider my experience breastfeeding him a success. Throughout his first year, I only had minor incidences that were easily resolved. I've experienced pain while breastfeeding, engorgement, mastitis, and milk blisters, etc. I've also dealt with his teething and a couple of nursing strikes. But to me, the hardest part about breastfeeding was the beginning.
When I was still pregnant with Lucas, I was incredibly nervous about breastfeeding. I read several articles about how to breastfeed, and how to succeed at breastfeeding. I watched videos online about breastfeeding as well. I was so focused on the breastfeeding aspect of his first few weeks, that when pregnant I had several dreams about breastfeeding. In fact, one night I actually had a dream about breastfeeding my cat. It was agonizing worrying about something that I could only prepare for by reading. I couldn't borrow a baby and breastfeed with them to practice. I couldn't practice with a doll. It was something that I had to wait and see if I was going to be able to do it.
I think part of this fear came from the pressure that new moms are subjected to when it comes to breastfeeding their baby. We are told from the get go that "Breast is best" and that if we formula feed our babies that they are going to grow up unhealthy and not as intelligent. They suggest that formula fed babies are not as nurtured as breastfed babies. It adds so much extra pressure to a new mom when breastfeeding is not going well, because they are afraid that they have failed their child. Being a new mom is hard enough without this added pressure.
There is a burden for a new mom as well if they are encountering pain in the beginning of breastfeeding. I've read the books, and the articles, and a fair amount of them say that if you are experiencing any pain, chafing, or bleeding when breastfeeding, then you are doing it wrong. These articles act like breastfeeding tickles. They act like if you are experiencing any discomfort that you should pull your baby away from your breast and then readjust baby's latch until it no longer hurts. I am here to tell you new mommies, even if you are doing everything right, sometimes, it still hurts. I was told by doctors, and lactation consultants that Lucas' latch was perfect. For the first few weeks, I stared at him when he was latching, studying him to ensure that he was still doing it the right way. When he cut his first tooth and I started experiencing discomfort, I finally saw a slight change in his latch and was able to fix it. But, in the beginning, his latch was perfect, and I was still in pain. There were nights I would be nursing him, and I would be holding Jeremy's hand while he slept, squeezing it, trying to grit through the pain. There was nothing wrong with his latch. My body was getting used to nursing, and nursing every 2-3 hours, every day. Your body needs time to adjust. Don't panic and think that you are doing something wrong. Don't feel guilty. Check that the latch is okay, consult a lactation consultant, and then stick with it if you can. But if you can't, that's okay too. We mommies have to stick together, and while I am incredibly glad I breastfed Lucas, I promise I'm not going to shame you and think less of you if you don't breastfeed your child.
This brings me to my ultimate point of this entry.
My secret to breastfeeding success.
I do not think that my success is attributed to all the reading I did. Honestly, I think I was very lucky that Lucas latched correctly, and I was lucky that I did not have a significant amount of discomfort in the beginning. I have watched people struggle through the first few months of nursing, and count my blessings I was not one of them. But there is one thing that I did that I believe is how I succeeded in breastfeeding through the first year of Lucas' life (I am still currently breastfeeding him as well).
My secret is...I had to. From the moment that I became pregnant, I knew I had to breastfeed. I'll admit that I was incredibly skinny before pregnancy, and the appeal of losing calories breastfeeding appealed to me, but that was not my reasoning either. I had to breastfeed because, we would have never been able to raise a child with our income if we were buying formula. We did our baby budget in the beginning, and had no idea how we were going to be able to afford it. We lucked out that I was able to work until I was 9 months pregnant. We were lucky that we had incredibly supportive and helpful parents who were able to buy us a crib, a changing table, a stroller, a car seat, etc. We were blessed to have a diaper raffle at our baby shower and did not have to purchase diapers for Lucas until he was over 6 months old. Until Lucas was about 8 months, we actually did not purchase a lot for him. We bought a few outfits for him for the first few months of his life, but most of Lucas' things were hand-me-downs from friends, or items we received from our family and friends. So, from the get-go, we knew that we would not have been able to afford formula. Granted, if I had not been able to breastfeed, we would have had to budget again and get some help from our family. Trust me, our child would never have starved, his grandparents and parents love him too much to ever have let that happen. But every night that I was having difficulty, the prominent thought in my head was, I HAVE to do this. I CANNOT give up. We had some formula back-up in case, but I knew I wouldn't need it. Having the mindset that this is something that you have to do, helped. But I wasn't guilted into that mindset. I never thought to myself, "I HAVE to do this, or my child will be stupid," or "I have to do this because it means I love my child more." I simply had to do it because I had to. Now, when I reflect back on those late nights, I know that was what got me through it.
We are in a better financial situation now, and we could afford to wean Lucas if we wanted, but I don't want to yet. This was something I was able to provide for him, and it didn't cost a thing. At the end of the day, the gifts we give our children that don't cost any money, are usually the best gifts we can give them anyway. Our attention, our love, and...breastfeeding.
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